Rolling in 3, 2, 1... (Post #2)

Taking a break during a walk in the back 40. 

It's becoming more difficult to pretend that life is normal. 🙃 

• Friday the 14th was Ken's last day at the clinic. 
• On Saturday, he was not allowed to eat fruits or vegetables or anything high fibre/high residue.
• Today he had a croissant for breakfast, and now he's limited to fluids. 
• On Monday, we're supposed to be at the Grey Nuns Hospital at 6:15 IN THE MORNING! 😬 I offered to call Ken an Uber, but he was less than impressed by my helpfulness. I was kidding! Mostly. 🥱 The actual surgery is scheduled for 7:45 am. They have it on the schedule as 4 hours long, but it can take anywhere from 2-10 hours. I plan to pop into Starbucks, and I have a list of seeds I still need to buy at Canadian Tire. Other than that, I anticipate hitting my step count before 10:00 am. 🏃🏻‍♀️

For someone who doesn't like to drink water, the 4 litre jug of Colyte 

is more than a little daunting. And then of course, you are supposed 

to drink other fluids as well. I like to be prepared. 😊 

The flowers are from one of Ken's colleagues. 

Last Wednesday, the 12th, he had his pre-admission appointment. I think it took 12 minutes. Maybe. First a nurse came in and took his vitals and ran through a checklist. Then the anesthesiologist came in and ran through his own checklist. Turns out, other than cancer, Ken is stinkin' healthy! 😏 Other than cancer...

We've had an incredibly busy week as we tried to get things caught up both at home (Ha!😆) and at the office (Double ha! 😆😆). Ken was unable to get someone to take over his practice while he's off work, and though he's received many offers of assistance from his colleagues, he knows they're already overburdened, so Tracey and Ahla, our amazing staff, managed to rebook everyone. Some patients were less than pleased, but trust me, Ken would much rather be the doctor rather than the patient. Also...cancer. (It's not like he's going golfing...which he's played maybe 3 times in 30 years.)

It's been gratifying to see so many people reach out with "Ken stories," usually regarding assistance he's given...and then promptly forgotten. I've heard a lot of "I did that?" over the last couple of weeks. He's always been a helper, and being on the receiving end of care makes him very uncomfortable, though he's grateful. 

I'm a planner (see photo of liquids above...), so I've been busy trying to come up with ideas of how to keep Ken occupied while he's convalescing. So far I have:

• Lego (I'm eyeing the Paris Architecture set...)
• Knot tying (We have a book, he's just never had time to learn!) 
• Paint by number (Don't laugh; I love painting, I'm just not very good.)
• Scrabble (I love playing Scrabble - Ken doesn't. But guess who's stuck in bed? 😁)
• Bird watching (We have 7 bird feeders on the tree outside the sunroom. A good reminder that God cares for even the little sparrows.)
• Knitting (Many years ago, Ken mused aloud whether it was possible to teach an ape to knit. This is my opportunity to find out!)
• Prime Video (After almost 30 years of marriage, we finally bought a TV. We've had a projector with a large mechanical screen for decades, but for some reason never felt the need for a TV. During Prime Days last fall, Ken suggested we buy one. Now I know why; it's the perfect distraction. Also, BritBox is the best subscription ever.)
• Books, books and more books (Can you ever have too much time to read?) 

And yes, I know the list makes him sound like a toddler in need of entertaining, but I've been in his slippers, and it's less fun than it sounds. (Did you know he's supposed to bring slippers to the hospital?)

We enjoyed a delicious supper provided by a good friend, and 

an amazing baker! That chocolate cake had me swooning!

Meanwhile, I've reached out to the counselling service at the Cross Cancer Institute. I recently had my biannual check-up and zoledronic acid infusion, and upon hearing our latest news, the first words out of the nurse's mouth were, "Can I have psychosocial services to get in touch with you?" Apparently, according to the woman doing my intake interview (done to determine the best match for you), "You can't make this stuff up!"  🎗️🌊🔥🐁🎗️

So, how are we doing? I'm not sure. Seriously. People ask and I'm not sure what I should say. 🤷‍♀️ Yes, we're ready to have the surgery done and dusted. Yes, it feels like we've been waiting a very long time. Yes, it feels weird knowing that Ken will enter the hospital "healthy" (other than the cancer) and come home "sick" (but minus the cancer). Yes, the uncertainty of the outcome is annoying and can be anxiety-provoking. 

But also yes, I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't be more stressed. 🤔 Of course, then I remember the number of people praying for us and I realize that this peace is not the result of anything I've done, it's God. I don't think I'm just being even more Pollyanna than usual, I'm aware of Ken's potential prognosis, so I guess it's a trust thing. If we really believe that God is good and kind and that all things will work for our good, then what is there to be concerned about? Okay, that's more than a little simplistic; obviously, many things could potentially cause concern, and Ken and I have both had our harder days. 🫤 (Also, if you were to tell me I have no cause for concern, you'd better 🦆.)

I had a bad day last week, and even my usual modus operandi of playing music didn't help. As a matter of fact, I even used a phrase normally not heard in our house: "shut up." 😯 Shocking, I know. (I just find it rather rude - "be quiet" sounds much more refined. 🫅🏻) So when I heard myself telling David Phelps to "Shut up, it is NOT well with my soul!" I knew things weren't exactly peachy. However, I allowed the music to play and later one song caught my attention...and my heart; it's "I Praise You Now" by the Mylon Hayes Family. You can find it on YouTube linked here. 

There's a mountain in my life that only You can move,

It's too high to climb and Lord, I just refuse,

To let it shake my faith and get the best of me, 

I lift my eyes above this mountain that I see,

I praise you here, I praise you now,

In the middle of my circumstance, I know you have the pow'r,

To make a new beginning, to bring me through somehow, 

So before you come and work your miracle, 

I praise you now. 

You've brought me through so much, how could I ever doubt,

That you are on my side, you'll always lead me out, 

Turning all things for Your glory when they can't be understood, 

No matter where I am, it's working for my good.

 

 

 "It's working for your good, Heather? Come on, now..." Yeah, I know that sounds bonkers, but I truly believe that by trusting God with the outcome, whether it's what I want or the total opposite, somehow it still works for my good. Okay, so maybe not for my immediate good, or perhaps it's not for my good at all. It's not about me, after all. Maybe it's for the good of someone else. And maybe, just maybe, it's for the good of someone reading this blog. Someone who needs to hear that God is still good, even when life isn't. 💗